The Woes of the Trombone Section
by BitingMonkeyWithBanana
Summary: Are you one of those people who look in on the trombone section and think, "What the hell are they doing in there!" Well, if you are, this fic is for you. Not only will you have the solution, you will learn about a sexy dead horse, pelvic thrusts, and cra


**The Woes of the Trombone Section**

**Cast of characters:**

**Allie: Me! (Freshman)**

**Bruce: Tall guy trombone player. Is very cool because he is taller than Allie who is 6'2"! (Sophomore)**

**Megan: Saxophone section leader friend of mine. (Senior)**

**Chris: Trombone player. (Sophomore)**

**Fred: Drum Major who also happens to be a trombone player. (Junior)**

**Eric1: A Trombone/Baritone Section leader that doesn't march because of knee surgery. (Senior)**

**Eric2: A baritone player. (Freshman)**

**Eric3: A sophomore trombone player. **

**Jason: Trombone and baritone section leader. (Junior)**

**Paul: Trombone player. (Freshman)**

**Will: Baritone player. (Freshman)**

**Brittney: Other girl Trombone player. (Freshman)**

**Paige: Clarinet player, friend of Allie's. (Freshman)**

**Neal: Another friend of Allie's who also happens to be a clarinet as well. (Freshman)**

**Mr. Keena: The band director. **

**Nick: Trombone player. (Freshman)**

Narrator: Three o'clock, the HHS Marching band makes its way onto the baseball field, tired from a hard days work at school, and ready for another in the world of the marching band. 

*Music begins, is a soft ballad played by what is obviously a marching band* 

The band director turns to face the trombone players, who have fallen at "To the Ready." Allie is swinging her trombone.

Eric3: *Look of utter distaste* Stop doing that! You must treat your trombone like a baby!

Allie: False laugh. 

Bruce: That's how I dropped it! 

Allie: Sir Dropsalot…that amuses me so. 

Megan: Not as bad as when Tyler forgot his slide at the parade!

Allie: Gah! How did that happen?

Megan: I don't know! Last year he just shows up without his slide! I mean, come on! It's like, where the hell do you put it and how do you lose it? 

Allie: *Laughs*

Paul: So what are you guys talking about with all these inside jokes?

Jason: What inside jokes?

Paul: oh you know, like the Sexy Dead Horse?

Fred, Eric1, Chris and Jason: Who told you about the sexy dead horse?

Paul: You guys are always talking about it!

Chris: We never mentioned it! *Looks shocked*

Paul: Yeah, you did!

Chris: *looks both shocked and utterly pissed off* 

Jason: We'll explain later. Everyone get in a block, 3 to a line. (Mr. Keena has called sectionals) 

Allie: Do we have to?

Jason: Yes!

*everyone gets into a block, ready to do marching sectionals* 

Jason: Do a block of 8 to the right. Mark time hut!

Mr. Keena: OKAY! EVERYONE BRING IT IN BEHIND THE PIT! 

*Trombone players exchange looks of happiness, having the sectional cut short because we talk way to much* 

Eric3: That was the shortest sectional we have ever had.  

*Band runs to the pit* 

Mr. Keena: From what I saw of the sectionals, everyone is out of step, everyone is playing a wrong note in at least 6 or 7 measures in the opener, the clarinets STILL don't have the warm-ups memorized, the trombones didn't follow directions, the saxophones march their way right into the ground, the woodwinds STILL look at the grass, and the flutes are all whiners! But we are still farther along then we were last year, so that's good. 

Band: *Cheers*

Mr. Keena: Alright, let's run the opener! Everyone get in set!

*Allie stands in the wrong place because she is stupid* 

Bruce: ALLIE! We're over HERE! 

Allie: Ah! Sorry! I'm stupid…

Bruce: You are just figuring this out now?

*Allie gives Bruce a dirty look, Bruce pokes Allie with the tip of his trombone*

Chris: ALLIE, BRUCE! HORNS UP!

Allie: *Gives Chris a dirty look* 

*Band runs through the opener* 

Mr. Keena: I can't stand this… Section leaders, come back in 10 minutes, and the musical quality must be better! 

Jason: Okay, what can we do to get Mr. Keena off our asses?

Brittney: We could play it right for once. God, I am going to quit band, this is so pointless. Everyone in our section is a moron. *Sheepish grin* Except for Nick!

Allie: Oh really now? 

Jason: Okay, shut up everyone. We need to get this right or—

Allie: Keena will eat us. 

Jason: Yes, Keena'll eat us! 

Will: I don't think we'd taste very good. 

Chris: Shut up Will! 

Will: You can't tell me what to do, you aren't section leader.

Jason: Yes, he is actually. I've made him unofficial trombone section leader because I am too faraway to work with you. 

Bruce: Allie, what time is it?

Allie: We have an hour and a half left.

Bruce: Damn! 

Jason: Okay, we really need to fix those three measures Keena mentioned, so play them! And don't forget to mark time. Allie, you're not marking time.

Allie: We haven't started yet!

Jason: Oh yeah. 

Eric1: 1, 2, 1, 2 ready and…

Trombone section: *begins to play, and it sounds like a dying moose.* 

Jason: CUT, CUT, CUT! It sounds like a dying moose. 

*A lot of hard work put into making the musical quality better and Mr. Keena accepts it with reluctance, the band goes home and returns the next day to an alarming section full of idiots. The trombone section.* 

A/N: This fic sucks. But it amuses me, and it's so true! Anyway, there is more to come… and it's funnier next time. Leave a review…. It's gonna be fun!


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